AGT

If you haven't been watching America's Got Talent this summer, you haven't missed too much. I watch this show every week and kick myself the whole time, but I still watch. Where to start....the judges:

Piers Morgan : Before winning "celebrity" Apprentice this guy's claim to fame was being the other guy with Simon Cowel on Britain's Got Talent. I am not sure what Piers has ever done in the entertainment business to make him qualified, but I think he is qualified by virtue of his British accent. He tries to play the Simon role, but Simon is far more intelligent and in on the joke. Where Piers takes himself too serious, Simon is laughing at how ridiculous reality shows are, but counting his millions.

Sharon Osbourne: Imagine Paula Abdul, without the crazy clothes, ridiculous proclamations and overall craziness. She brings nothing to this show. The producers broke the formula when they replaced pop diva and star of "Moesha" Brandy with Sharon. They have two Brits on the panel and it is like watching one of those comedies on PBS that aren't funny but the British studio audience is cracking up. How cheeky.

David Hasselhoff: Moronic, sub-moronic. He might be the least intelligent person posing as a person with intelligence on television(David Gregory a close second). He has his catch phrase, "you are what this show's all about," and finds a away to work it into every episode. By now it is so scripted they don't even need to have the judges in the same room as the acts. Hasselhoff drools over any female contestant in booty shorts regardless of age(I've seen him scoping some of those teenage dance troupes).

Nick Cannon: I actually like him. He replaced an all time Bump favorite, Jerry Springer and has done a decent job actually keeping the show moving. His side comments and ability to handle the freakier guests make him a pretty good host. They definitely cut to him way too much but that's the producers/directors not Nick's fault.

Anyway, I bitch and moan but I will watch this until the finale in September. This show has actually produced one star, season two winner and ventriloquist Terry Fador. He headlines the main show at the Mirage a spot formerly held by Sigfried and Roy. That one success is more than have ever been on the Bachelor or Bachelorette. My only advice is stop putting through so many singers, if we want singers we can watch American Idol. This show should focus more on the contortionists, jugglers, magicians, acrobats, slam dunk teams, rollerskating break dancers.
Tune in on Tuesday night and check out the next act who is what that show's about.

Masters

I have watched every episode of Top Chef Masters this season, and for those who say that a host doesn't matter much on a reality show, you are wrong. The replacement of Padma with this Kelly Choi has been a disaster. Choi should be doing the weather weekends on channel 9 not hosting one of the few reality shows that actually keeps my attention and does as it promises, produces top chefs. How many top models can you name that are actually working as a "top" model? All the class and pseudo-intelligence that Padma brings is lost on this public access moron. The judges are also horrific. They will write scathing reviews in their respective publications, but when it comes time to criticize these established chefs, they are starstruck and wimp out. Some of the dishes produced have been real crap and nobody calls them on it. Also, why do they do so much dubbing? The editing is so poor you can obviously tell that most of Choi's lines are done in a post production sound booth. While immensely successful, the chefs on this show are not competitive enough to make it interesting. I miss Marcel and Hung and all the a-holes of years gone by. I did enjoy that one french chef from L.A., Ludo Lefebvre. He was competitive and didn't hesitate to say that he wanted to win for pride and oh yeah the charity. Bring back Tom, Padma, and Gail. Bring back the chef wannabes. This summer edition is terrible. I only hope that Hubert Keller wins, since he is far and away a the best chef on the show. It's still better than anything with Gordon Ramsay

The Home Box

I remember some great HBO shows of the past, Larry Sanders, The Wire, Six Feet Under, Eastbound and Down..now we have three shows currently on Sunday nights....

True Blood....Lauryn got me into this show and right away it has the best opening credits of any show on TV. Great song. I find Anna Paquin kind of annoying but the acting on the show is overall pretty strong. My only knock on this show is that sometimes I feel as if they make up vampire "rules" in order to fill in the plot. Like they need to get from New York to L.A. in 20 minutes and all the sudden there is a line of dialogue like this, "you KNOW that vampires are capable of flying," a fact they neglected to mention for the first season and a half. I think season two is trying to play more on the good vs evil thing which has been done before.

Hung....I tried to watch the pilot and turned it off about half way. What a slow moving and boring show. The dialogue is so poor and obvious that when I laughed, I don't think it was the writer's intention. The acting is pretty crappy. With the Aaron Eckhart wannabe and the weird sister from Happiness as the pimp. She's a blind man's Andie Mcdowell. Awful show

Entourage...so far so good. What they are doing this season, which they failed to do in the past two, is develop the characters. Vince and his crew were stagnant caricatures for two seasons. Now with Turtle and Jamie Lynne Siegler, Ari working with that other agent dude. Even Lloyd moving up in the world. I don't know much about Hollywood, but I don't think Lloyd would stay so long with the same agency without promotion. He would have probably jumped ship to another agency by now. Good job so far.

Side note, on Showtime they have Nurse Jackie. It marks Edie Falco's return to pay cable drama. I liked this show for the first couple episodes but they are taking way to long to move the story. Also I have been to emergency rooms, and none of them have ever been as insane or staffed with quirky, funny folks. I like the subplot of Jackie dealing with addiction, but they have strayed away from that in the last couple episodes. Also her husband on this show kinda looks like her son. Poor casting. I guess I'll stick with it, but can't wait 'till the fall and the return of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Big Love

Sports on TV

For the most part I hate most coverage of sports on TV. The announcers too frequently want to be as famous as or friends with the sports stars and show obvious bias while calling a game. That said, was watching MSG this afternoon and they have a show on the EBC streetball tournament at Rucker Park. The show is basically quick cuts of high flying street ball. The greatest thing is that the host of the show is none other than Mike Bivins of Bell Biv Devoe Fame, now you know. Great show. Also on MSG on Wednesday's late is WWE Garden Classics. This week Hogan vs Tito Santana, Macho Man vs the Honky Tonk Man. Great to hear Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes calling the matches. The show is hosted by Mean Gene Okerlund, who looks as if he hasn't aged since the 80s. A virtual Dick Clark of wrestling. You forget about these guys till you see them. Sensational Sherri, Wendy Richter, Hillbilly Jim, Slick, B. Brian Blair and Jumpin Jim Brunzel.

MSG Network: "Knicks Suck, Rangers Suck, Jim Dolan Sucks, Lost the Yankees, but a great network"

The Soup

If you are not watching the Soup(Friday nights at 10 on E! and repeated all weekend) then you are missing out on a great comic in its host Joel McHale. He can be seen on the upcoming NBC sitcom, Community, this fall. McHale does an amazing job of balancing the line between celebrity worship and hatred. Few things are off limits and he seems to really relish in tearing apart those who are famous for being famous(people with the following last names: Kardashian("famous for having a big butt and a sex tape") Hilton, Pratt). It is also a great chance to get caught up on the only relevant clips from that week's reality programing without having to sit through the Real Housewives of Denise Richard's BFF. Set your DVR and enjoy the brilliance that The Soup has become. A far cry from it's predecessor, Talk Soup with Greg Kinnear(Little Mr. Sunshine) or John Henson(Host of ABC's Wipeout(another pretty good mindless show).

Can't wait for America's Funniest Home Videos tonight, still funny after all these years and True Blood.

The Emmy's (The Acting Nod's)

COMEDY

BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Jemaine Clement, Flight of the Conchords
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

Should Win: Jim Parsons

Will Win: Charlie Sheen

Who the heck is Jim Parsons...he's comic timing on The Big Bang Theory is really unmatched. You might remember him as the "fast food knight" from Garden State. Great to see him and Jemaine Clement get added to this list. Reading these nominations just shows that HBO and CBS really are where comedy are at. The NBC shows(30 Rock and The Office) seem like dinosaurs past their time. And Carrell will never be Ricky Gervais. Charlie Sheen is consistent on this show and he's liked again in Hollywood. How could you not root for Wild Thing Vaughn.

BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
Toni Collette, United States of Tara
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds
Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

Should Win: Christina Appelgate

Will Win: Tina Fey

Samantha Who is a really underrated show that just never found a good time and got moved around too much to develop a following. Far funnier than most comedies nominated, but sadly canceled before it's time. Very cool to see Sarah Silverman nominated. Her show takes all the chances of Chapelle Show and then some. But, Hollywood is still run by liberals and they owe Tina Fey for skewering their enemy Sarah Palin all year.

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock
Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock
Rainn Wilson, The Office

Should Win: Tracy Morgan

Will Win:Rainn Wilson

Tracy Morgan continues to play one of the funniest characters on TV and does it so well it is hard to tell he is acting. How could Kevin Dillion or anything from Entourage get a nod. It's really an awful show. They will give the award to Dwight Scrute, who hasn't taken anything home since a Dundee. He'll get votes because the people that vote are so out of touch they still think the Office is hip. It's way past it's time despite the casting of Stringer Bell.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock
Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Kristin Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

Should Win: Kristin Wiig

Will Win: Amy Poehler

I can only put Gilda Radner up with Kristin Wiig as the best female talent to ever be on SNL. I would even put Farley, Spade and Sandler as the Gap girls and Dana Carvey as the Church lady ahead of most of the women who have been on this show? Maya Rudolph? Kristin Wiig is a comic genius and deserves this award. That being said, I think the voters will give it to Poehler for her work on the "news" segment, which now seems so unnecessary in light of the Daily Show and Colbert. I guess I can be happy for Mrs. Job Bluth.

GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Alan Alda, 30 Rock
Beau Bridges, Desperate Housewives
Jon Hamm, 30 Rock
Steve Martin, 30 Rock
Justin Timberlake, Saturday Night Live

Should Win: Justin Timberlake

Will Win: Steve Martin

Except for Beau Bridges, I saw all four of these guest appearances. I think they will give it to Steve Martin because the Emmy's love to give their award to movie stars who do TV. Steve Martin was awful on 30 Rock. Just a terrible guest spot in order to plug Pink Panther 2. Timberlake is great on SNL. In today's age of pop stars being drug addicts, or neglecting their kids, or beating their girlfriends, it is great to see someone who isn't too cool to bust on himself. Timberlake has hosted twice and seems to take pride in making fun of himself and his Boy Band past.

GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Jennifer Aniston, 30 Rock
Christine Baranski, The Big Bang Theory
Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live
Gena Rowlands, Monk
Elaine Stritch, 30 Rock
Betty White, My Name Is Earl

Should Win: Elaine Stritch

Will Win: Betty White

Take your pick. One old broad or another. Betty White was actually pretty good on Earl. So it wouldn't be too bad. Plus I don't know if she ever won for the Golden Girls but if not, they owe her one. Elaine Stritch has played a recurring role as Jack Donaghy's mom and she is a great ice bitch. Kate Gosselin could take a lesson from her on how to be a cold, vindictive and uncaring mother. Plus it will be great to hear her acceptance speech. It's always funny when an old lady gets on stage and says crazy stuff.

The Emmy's (Programs)

Emmy Awards were out today. This year's show is hosted by Neil Patrick Harris who I thought was pretty cool lately after Harold and Kumar, How I Met Your Mother and a cameo at Janoff's , but then came this last week's Top Chef Masters. He had the chefs cook at a place called the magic castle. A kind of friars club for Magicians and a favorite hangout of Magicians. Holy Fuck he's a bigger dork than Vinny Delpino...here's some thoughts on the shows nominated. Actors next time.

Best Series Drama

Big Love
Breaking Bad
Lost
Mad Men
Damages
Dexter
House

Should Win: Mad Men
Will Win : House

I like extending the nominations from 5 to 7 for Drama and Comedy. It gives a chance for previously ignored shows like Big Love(best season yet) and Breaking Bad to get nominated. Mad Men is the best drama on TV but the Emmy's love what's popular and House is the new Baywatch as the most watched TV show on the planet.

Best Series Comedy

30 Rock
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Concords
How I Met Your Mother
The Office
Weeds

Should Win: Family Guy
Will Win: How I Met Your Mother(a.k.a. Friends Deux)

How fucking awesome is it that Family Guy gets nominated. It's the first cartoon since the Flintstones to get a nod. The Simpson's probably should have gotten one about 15 years ago but definitely not now. Family Guy uses it's format to push envelopes that the other sitcoms only dream of, "save John Stewart, he's our most important Jew." I think How I Met Your Mother will win because people love that Monday lineup on CBS and the Academy can't ignore it. Plus with NPH hosting, they will have to give him something after he doesn't win supporting actor again.


Best Reality Competition Program

American Idol
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
The Amazing Race
Top Chef

Should Win: Top Chef
Will Win: The Amazing Race

Big snub in this category for the Biggest Loser but Top Chef is a great show that actually does as promised and produces Top Chefs. Harold the season one winner holds two stars from the NY Times. Dancing With the Stars is a joke as one has a hard time actually identifying the "Stars"
The Amazing Race has won this award every year it has existed, why change things now.

Best Music, Variety or Comedy Series

Late Show With David Letterman
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
The Daily Show
The Colbert Report

Should Win: Saturday Night Live
Will Win: The Daily Show

SNL is back. They have some great talent on the show in Kristen Wig(Great in every sketch she does), Fred Armesen(he's a better David Patterson than David Patterson), Will Forte, Andy Samberg(the digital shorts are pretty damn good) and Bill Hader. The need to dump the dead weight of Keenan Thompson and Darrel Hammond(Clinton has been out of office for 10 years, get rid of this asshole already). How can you ignore the amazing job the Daily Show did at both political conventions this year, the election coverage and Rob Riggle in Iraq and Jason Jones in Iran. Just great work this year.

Best Reality Show

Antiques Roadshow
Dirty Jobs
Dog Whisperer
Intervention
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List
Mythbusters

Should Win: Intervention
Will Win: Mythbusters

Intervention is in a class in it's own. The show helps people and families heal, not by building them a dream house, or by counseling from Dr. Phil, but hard nose rehab for both the addicts and families. There isn't a more real show on tv. It is raw and uncomfortable most of the time. In a world of John and Kate and Run's House, Intervention is the cream of these type shows. That being said, I think it is too "real" and will scare off voters. Mythbusters is a cool show and they blow things up a lot. The guy has a funny beard and wears a beret.


Best Mini-Series

Generation Kill
Little Dorrit

Should Win: Generation Kill
Will Win: Generation Kill

I don't know why there are only two nominated in this category, but I didn't see Little Dorrit, and Generation Kill was pretty fucking awesome.